It’s Not Just "Mom Brain,” It’s a Breakdown in Executive Function
It’s no secret: moms have super powers. But even the most “together” moms have been there: standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at a half-packed lunch box, a ringing phone with a call from their boss, and a toddler, just seconds away from a meltdown because they’ve lost their favorite rock. Suddenly, you can’t remember why you walked into the room or what the next step in the morning routine is supposed to be.
It’s not just "mom brain,” which 80% of moms experience (Davies et al., 2018). It’s a breakdown in executive function.
In the professional world, we talk about executive function as the CEO of the brain. But at home, it’s more complex due to the nature of the tasks at hand. Parents are more like the air traffic control tower that is responsible for landing the planes, managing the fuel, and making sure everyone stays safe without crashes. For moms, this system is often running at 110% capacity, leading to a unique set of struggles that go far beyond simple forgetfulness, overstimulation and “mom brain.”
The Invisible Load
For many women, the transition into motherhood, or the management of a growing household, acts as the ultimate test for their executive function. Especially when mothers still perform approximately 65% of all childcare and household management, even when working full-time, including that invisible mental load (Pew Research Center, 2023). You might have been a high-performing professional for years, only to find yourself struggling to stay afloat once kids enter the picture. Here is why:
Constant Task-Switching: Motherhood is a series of interruptions. Research suggests that frequent task-switching consumes more glucose (brain fuel), leading to intense "decision making fatigue" Schulte, 2014).
The Mental Load: Moms often serve as the "designated calendar" asked to remember every practice, birthday party, school assignment, and family trip. Knowing when the library books are due, when the kids need new shoes, and what’s for dinner requires a massive amount of working memory.
Sensory Overload: Loud noises, constant touching, and visual clutter can overwhelm the brain’s ability to filter information, making it nearly impossible to focus on complex planning, thought, and thought retention.
Common Executive Function "Red Flags" in Daily Motherhood
If you feel like you’re "failing" at basic tasks, it’s likely you’re experiencing barriers regarding your executive function rather than “failing” at motherhood. Do any of these resonate with you?
The "Doom Pile" Phenomenon: Struggling with organization leads to piles of mail or laundry that feel too overwhelming to start.
Analysis Freeze: Having ten things to do and being unable to pick one, so you end up scrolling on your phone instead (task initiation).
Emotional Dysregulation: Finding it harder to stay calm during a tantrum because your inhibitory control, or stress management, is exhausted from a long day.
Time Management: Consistently underestimating how long it takes to get three people out the door, leading to chronic lateness.
Moving From "Scattered" to "Supported" with Executive Function Coaching
The goal isn't to fix your brain, it’s to build external systems that support the way your brain works.
Externalize Your Memory: If it isn't on a shared digital calendar or a visible whiteboard, it doesn't exist. Don't waste brain power trying to remember the pediatrician appointment, put it on the calendar to serve as a visual cue.
Pro Tip: On a monthly basis, sit down with your family and discuss what the month ahead will entail. Write down all of the appointments, practices, dog care, and special events together to increase visibility and alignment.
The "Rule of Three": On high-stress days, identify and prioritize only three essential tasks. Anything else is a bonus! Some days, your top three priorities might be showering, eating, and feeding the dog: that is okay! Prioritizing and only choosing three tasks each morning reduces decision making fatigue as well as overwhelm. Remember: not everything needs to be done today and not everything needs to be done by YOU!
Body Doubling: Many moms find they are more productive when someone else is present (even a friend or family member on FaceTime). Call a friend while you’re folding laundry, join a walking group, or balance your budget at the coffee shop.
Self-Compassion: Understand that your brain is processing a massive amount of data. When your system crashes (i.e. breakdown, illness, etc.) it's a sign that the load is too heavy, not that the operator is incompetent. Consider daily self-care something as small as journaling, a walk, or reading a chapter of a book outside.
So, What’s Next?
Executive function challenges are real, and for moms, they are often exacerbated by a society that expects us to "do it all” when in reality, we don’t always have the tools we need to be successful. By naming these challenges, we can stop the cycle of guilt and start building the support systems we need. Many moms find success in executive function coaching as it allows them to understand their barriers and create actionable plans with their coach on how to lighten the load and find actionable systems that work with their brain.
If you, a friend, colleague, or family member are needing support navigating the overwhelm: start your journey today by signing up for a FREE consultation to learn more about how executive function coaching can help you!
Referral Code: #MomsAndEF
References:
Davies, S. J., Lum, J. A. G., Skouteris, H., Byrne, L. K., & Hayden, M. J. (2018). Cognitive impairment during pregnancy: A meta-analysis. The Medical Journal of Australia, 208(1), 35–40. https://doi.org/10.5694/mja17.00507
Pew Research Center. (2023, December 11). Teens, social media and technology 2023. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/12/11/teens-social-media-and-technology-2023/
Schulte, B. (2014). Overwhelmed: Work, love, and play when no one has the time. Sarah Crichton Books.
